Censored But Not by Choice.

My blog is censored.

I can't freely blog about the things in life that are important to me, because I'm being watched closely by a disturbed woman and possibly her friends and a daughter, and anything I might say that even remotely touches on a personal subject would be taken from my blog and used as something to make a mockery of, or to use against me cruelly and for hate purposes.

This is grossly unfair. I should be able to blog about what my blog is for — my son, my cats, family, life here on Long Island, music and other interests of mine… but I can't. Sure, I can make another blog, and yes, I already have one on Wordpress, but what's the point? Why should I start another blog? Why should I have to keep hiding my words because there is someone stalking me online, with unrelenting passion?

I want the cyberharassment to stop. I've asked the stalking harasser in a polite manner and in a stern manner. I've also contacted the police in her area, and they went to her home a few times to discuss her online cruelty and abuse. She was warned and told to stop. Unfortunately, nothing she was told sunk in. She ignored the police and she ignored the advice of others.

What would you do if you had an online stalker, one who won't give up and one with no regard for the laws of society? If the police warned her and she still stalks me and obsesses about me, what more can be done so that I can publicly post anywhere or have blog entries that are not just general information, but about the things that matter to me?

Recently, she gained access to my secure and private page on a social site. She has been using my email address to sign me up for spam, numerous "offers" that are obviously scams, dating sites, porn, and just about any ridiculous site she can enter and email address on. She has a nefarious agenda she thinks no one is the wiser to.

Understanding The Cyberharassment Problem

Here are some FAQ's to help understand the cyberharassment problem.

By Parry Aftab
InformationWeek
August 23, 2004 12:00 AM

It may be helpful if you understand more about cyberstalking and harassment before trying to address it. These are the most frequently asked questions we encounter at WiredSafety.org. We provide one-to-one help to cyberstalking and harassment victims in our WiredPatrol Cyberstalking and Harassment Division using our specially trained volunteers.

What is cyberstalking and what is cyberharassment?
Cyberstalking and cyberharassment are similar. Most people use them interchangeably, but there is a subtle distinction, typically relating to the perpetrator's intent and the original motivation for their behavior. While the two situations usually involve many of the same online tactics, cyberstalking is almost always characterized by the stalker relentlessly pursuing his or her victim online and is much more likely to include some form of offline attack, as well. This offline aspect makes it a more serious situation as it can easily lead to dangerous physical contact if the victim's location is known.

Why do people cyberstalk or cyberharass others?
Cyberstalkers are often driven by revenge, hate, anger, jealousy, obsession, and mental illness. While a cyberharasser may be motivated by some of these same feelings, often the harassment is driven by the desire to frighten or embarrass the harassment victim. Sometimes the harasser intends to teach the victim a lesson in netiquette or political correctness (from the harasser's point of view). Often the cyberharassment victim is merely in the wrong place at the wrong time, or has made a comment or expressed an opinion that the cyberharasser dislikes. We've even seen cases where the victim is being targeted because they're the first ones the cyberharasser encounters when they are in a "bad mood."

What do cyberstalkers or harassers do when they stalk or harass someone?
The harasser may post comments intended to cause distress to the victim, or make them the subject of harassment by others. They may send a constant stream of E-mails and instant messages to their victims or a victim's co-workers, friends, or family. They may pose as the victim and post offensive comments or send offensive messages in their name. They may send hateful or provocative communications to the victim's boss, family, or significant other (in their own name or posing as the victim). Often the victim's computer is hacked or their E-mail accounts are broken-into by the cyberstalker or harasser and taken over entirely, or the password is changed and the victim locked out of their own accounts. The victim may be signed up for spam, porn sites, and questionable offers.

Cyberstalkers or harassers frequently follow their victims into chat rooms and onto discussion boards, posting lies and hateful messages, or passing misinformation about the victim. They may create sexually explicit images, using the head of their victims attached to the bodies of porn actors. If they have real sexually explicit or nude images of their victims (usually from a failed romantic relationship between the stalker or harasser and the victim), they may create Web sites posting the images and advertising the site to friends and family of the victim, or supply them to commercial porn sites with amateur image sections for public display.

In the most dangerous type of cases, the cyberstalker posts the name, address, and telephone number of the victim online, often posing as them, and soliciting sexual activities on their behalf. In a California case, a man targeted a woman by posting her name and address online and soliciting group sex. The woman had never even used the computer before, but found herself facing angry, sexually frustrated men at her front door. Death threats are typical in a cyberstalking situation. In fact, there have been several well-publicized cases in the United States where victims were eventually murdered by their stalkers. Many of these began as cyberstalking situations.

If there's any indication that a cyberstalker or harasser knows where the victim lives, works, or how to find them offline, law enforcement must be contacted immediately to begin an active investigation into the circumstances of the situation. WiredSafety.org's law-enforcement division, CyberLawEnforcement.org, assists law enforcement in cyberstalking or harassment cases.

Is cyberstalking illegal? What about cyberharassment?
The laws tend to lump the two types of cybercrimes together. For the purposes of this guide, other than when there is a legal distinction, both cyberstalking and harassment are discussed under the heading cyberstalking. While at least 46 states in the United States have various types of cyberstalking or harassment laws on the books, there is no U.S. federal cyberstalking or harassment law (except when children under 16 are involved and being targeted for sexual harassment). Many Western European countries have cyberstalking or harassment laws, but they're the exception rather than the rule. Few Asian countries have cyberstalking or harassment laws.

If I can't file criminal charges against the cyberstalker or harasser, what can I do to them?
Often the victims of cyberstalking and cyberharassment are limited to civil litigation (suing the stalker or harassment) or reporting the cyberstalker or harasser to their ISP and trying to get their accounts revoked, or Web sites shut down. (WiredSafety's WiredPatrol Cyberstalking and Harassment Team has been successful in having accounts revoked and Web sites shut down under these circumstances.)

What about cybertalking or harassment in the workplace?
Cyberstalking and harassment also frequently occur in the workplace, either because the perpetrator is unhappy with management or a fellow worker, or because they've been fired or not hired in the first place. Many cases occur when an employee feels they've been passed over for a promotion or raise, or denied a vacation, personal day, or other perk. We've also seen situations where a business or employees acting on its behalf (with or without approval) have targeted a competitor or its employees. These are typically treated as commercial crimes and are often the subject of litigation between the competitors. It may also become the basis for regulatory agency actions such as securities market regulators and trade or consumer commissions like the Securities and Exchange Commission, the Federal Trade Commission, or state consumer protection agencies in the United States.

Are there different types of cyberstalking or harassment situations?
There are three different kinds of cyberstalking situations:

• Online cyberstalking and harassment that stays online;



• Online harassment and stalking that ventures offline or encourages offline actions; and



• Offline stalking or harassment that moves online.

It doesn't make any difference whether or not the victim has even used the Internet. The distinction between online and offline is dependent on the medium used by the perpetrator.

For example, online stalking or harassing is usually defined as "repeated, unsolicited contact by electronic means" with the intent to "terrify, intimidate, or harass" another. The medium in this instance can include computers, fax machines, telephones, etc. Offline stalking or harassment involves the same type of behavior, but in real life. This includes everything from repeatedly following a victim to actual physical contact between a stalker and his or her victim. Although each of the three situations above include some form of online attack, and can be terrifying for a victim, only those that have an offline component are physically dangerous. Note that the laws in your jurisdiction may only cover offline stalking and harassment, or those with an offline component.

What's the profile of a typical cyberstalking or harassment victim?
Cyberstalking occurs more often with women as the victim, although that's gradually changing. Our most recent surveys at WiredSafety.org disclose that men are being cyberstalked and harassed more frequently by women than ever before.

What can someone do to avoid becoming a victim of cyberstalking or harassment?
Typically, the cyberharasser feels empowered by the perceived anonymity online. They feel they can hide behind their monitor. But most people leave a trail of cyberbreadcrumbs behind them online. Learning how to read an E-mail header is a good place to start stripping your stalker or harasser of their perceived anonymity. (WiredSafety.org's classes include one on reading a header, which can be found at WiredEd .)

Ignoring the communications sent to you is the best first step to stopping most cyberstalking or harassment. Unless your situation involves a truly obsessed or depraved harasser, most will lose interest quickly if they don't get the reaction they seek. Our cyber-self-defense tips can help you avoid cyberstalking or harassment entirely and stop it before it gets out-of-hand. Flaming wars (where insults and verbal attacks are traded online) can often lead to cyberstalking and harassment. Flaming can get out of control quickly and often escalates into serious threats, offline and online.

Cyberstalking can have a substantial offline aspect, either by way of the victim and stalker working together, being romantically involved, or having prior or current communications of some kind. Some are intent on targeting victims of sexual abuse, cancer patients, and members of certain minority groups. Protecting your privacy is key to protecting yourself from credible offline threats.

Who is your typical cyberstalker?
Most cyberstalking victims know their stalkers in real life. They may be co-workers, former spouses, or frustrated suitors whose advances were ignored or rejected. They also could be fans or groupies, especially when a cyber-celebrity or well-known chat room or discussion board leader is involved. Cyberdating and online flirtations can be fertile grounds for cyberstalking, and are often a catalyst, especially when the relationship doesn't progress as anticipated by the stalker.

Sometimes, the current boyfriend, girlfriend, or ex-spouse of a victim's former partner will resort to cyberstalking if they believe that the victim is interfering with their new relationship. Radical religious sects and racial supremacy groups often use cyberstalking as a method for persecuting those that don't share their particular beliefs.

Money, politics, religious beliefs, revenge, hate, and romance are the most frequent motives for cyberstalking. In fact, any situation that evolved from an emotionally packed incident is likely to include an offline component that can pose a real physical danger.

Cyberstalkers with a special grudge against the victim may be extremely difficult to stop. Their anger, jealousy, and obsession may foil the common cyberstalking self-defense tips, and ignoring their contact may enflame them even more. No one should attempt to tackle a cyberstalker alone. The stakes are too high.

If you get the sense that the person may try to stalk you offline, call your local police immediately!

Continue to the sidebar: Tips To Avoid Cyberstalking

Return to the story: Don't Wait Until An Employee Is Cyberstalked Before You Act

Take cyberstalking seriously. File a complaint with your local police and with the police in the area of your stalker, if you know the location. I've been stalked, bullied and abused online by this woman since 2007 and I see no end to it as long as she is able to get away with it. All I can do is tell the truth and know that I'm a decent, honest person who does good in this world, not the opposite. Don't let anyone do this to you. And most of all, don't back down to them. I don't believe in letting any cyberbully, cyberstalkers or trolls online win. Don't give them power.