The Widow

The Mars Volta - The Widow

He's got fasting black lungs
Made of clove splintered shardes
They're the kind that will talk
Through a wheezing of coughs

And I hear him every night
In every pore
And every time he just makes me warm

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Must I hide?
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone

Look at how they flock to him
From an isle of open sores
He knows that the taste is such
Such to die for

And I hear him every night
On every street
The scales that do slither
Deliver me from…

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Then I'll hide
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone

Oh lord
Said I'm bloodshot for sure
Pale runs the ghost
Swollen on the shore

Every night
in every pore
The scales that do slither
Deliver me from…

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Then I'll hide
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Let me die
Cause I'll never
Never sleep alone

The Widow by `vhm-alex on deviantART

Artist's Comments

Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Let me die

Because I'll never sleep alone

A sad misinterpretation: "I believe that this guy is into drugs and a crazy lifestyle and this girl seems to fall deeper and deeper into it. She's so in love she cannot help her own demise even when it seems that he's forgotten her. To be closer to him she does all the things he does and she ends up wanting to die in the end."

My Dad as a Little Boy

©2009 Suzanne Hayes / spookie

©2009, Suzanne Hayes / spookie. All Rights Reserved
Images may not be reproduced or copied and reposted to other blogs or websites without permission.

My Little Handsome Guy

©2009, Suzanne Hayes / spookie. All Rights Reserved

Images may not be reproduced or copied and reposted to other blogs or websites without permission.

©2009, Suzanne Hayes / spookie. All Rights Reserved

Images may not be reproduced or copied and reposted to other blogs or websites without permission.

(A little awkward; I'm holding the camera out in front of us, but I think he's too adorable to not share. Yes, I'm a little biased… maybe!)

©2009, All Rights Reserved
Images may not be reproduced or copied and reposted to other blogs or websites without permission.

My Father Had Brain Surgery — Success! NO CANCER in the Brain.

Yesterday, my father had the MRI to map his brain for the surgery. We knew the day before that brain surgery was almost the only option left, and if the MRI didn't show any roadblocks, the surgery would happen not too long after. All of us were on pins and needles, except my Dad. He knew this was his only option. He wanted the surgery.

Since last Thursday, we've all been unbelievably stressed to the maximum because of his condition. His lung cancer tumor has been shrinking, and so has the liver tumor. Both are smaller by 40%. We'd all just found out a few days earlier. He was more active and feeling better, and in fact, he was doing tax returns since it's "tax season." Suddenly, he became unable to lift his left arm, use the left hand or walk without the help of my brother. He was dizzy and tired. Even he knew that something was wrong. His hand swelled up and so did his left foot and calf. He was so tired, he could barely keep his eyes open.

By Thursday, he was almost immobilized.  All weekend, someone had to help with every move he made to make sure he didn't fall or trip. By Sunday night, it was BAD, and we were all very worried. We made a list of the observations we all noticed over the days — especially just on Sunday — and called the oncologist's on-call doctor. We were told to call 911 and get him admitted ASAP. Of course my Dad didn't want to go; he wanted to go to sleep. Earlier in the night, though, he knew something was wrong, and he told me. He said, "My brain is muddy." He told me he couldn't find words. He knew something was happening. We made the right decision in getting him into the hospital. There was swelling on the brain.

The brain cancer is gone. It was gone. CyberKnife had worked. The necrotized tumor caused pressure and swelling, and had to be removed. It was the size of a fingernail bed. My father was awake remarkably fast. The neurosurgeon said everything went amazingly well and that the right choice was made. We spoke to my Dad last night around 10pm, after they moved him from the surgical unit to the recovery ICU unit where visitation is allowed. He spoke with us and said he felt horrible. I told the nurse, and she said all brain surgery patients say that; it's the headache. Then he asked for some ice chips and said, "When can I go home?"

Today he's doing even better. The doctors all say it's remarkable. He is recovering better and faster than some people half his age.

Thank God for this wonderful blessing.

My son Harry and my Dad, summer 2008.

Mom and Dad on a trip, late winter 2008.

My Dad and his best friend since childhood, in my parents yard.

All images with my father are ©2009 Suzanne / spookie, All Rights Reserved. Not to be used without permission. Any unauthorized usage will result in prosecution. 

Happy Holidays from All of Us, and Jack.

Especially from Jack, even though he doesn't know it's Chanukah. He's a cat.

(This is where the old ChipIn widget resided on my blog for years. ChipIn does not exist any longer.)

Our cat, Jack, is doing very well. He could've died, and most people would've chosen to put him to sleep because the options to keep him alive — and to just get him through his hospital stay with an unknown medical complication — were going to be very costly and possibly for naught.

We decided that it wasn't his time to go. After two days of fluids and trying different antibiotics, Jack's fever went down, and he started eating, eating food I brought him, of course, because he was not going to touch the food they had no matter how hungry he was! When I visited him on the second day, he was so weak, he didn't get up in the cage to say hello. The next evening, he not only got up, he tried to jump into my arms to come home. He rolled over onto his back and wanted his belly rubbed...for 5 minutes. He was not ready to die. He still had a fever, but he was improving. They still couldn't find the reason for the multiple problems, but he was beginning to stabilize, so I gave the go ahead for him to stay in hospitalization and be treated. They began a new treatment a couple of days later that was for FIV cats, and they continued the antibiotic that seemed to work on the infection that must've been what tried to take him down. Within a few more days, we were able to come pick Jack up and bring him home.

Jack is doing well now, and last night I even caught him playing with cat toys. To think that Jack was a feral who used to run the moment he saw any human, and now he's a family cat who wants someone to pets him and a warm bed all the time. In fact, Jack doesn't just want a warm bed, he must lean on you when he sleeps. He's adorable, but sometimes I feel guilty if I want to change position in the middle of the night!

I thank all my dear friends who helped with part of my huge hospitalization bill. None of you know how much I greatly appreciate your help during such a difficult time — not just with Jack, but with all the family matters.

Every dollar adds up, so to my friends, please keep passing on my Chipin Widget.

Thank you, and Happy Holidays!

All the best,

Suzanne
(and Scott, Harry, spookie, Morris, Stella Blu and Jack)

Happy Hanukkah!